Letters To Alaska
by SecretTearDrop13
Summary: Alaska's gone. The news is still fresh. Everything the want to know, want to say, they wrote in a letter.
1. Chapter 1: The Colonel

**Letters To Alaska**

Why, Alaska? Why? Fucking WHY?!

I know you were drunk. I know you were upset. I know you blamed yourself for your mum's death. And I know how much that hurt you. So why do it to us? Hmm?

Did you even stop to think about how this would affect us? How it would affect me, Takumi, Lara. How it would affect Pudge? I loved you too, you know. Maybe not in the same way as Pudge, but I loved you. We all did, in our own ways.

The prank was good, though. We have you to thank for that. It was always like you to come up with something so ridiculous, so shameless. Something no one else wold think of. And that's how I'll remember you; ridiculous, shameless and special.

We had a good run.

I miss you.

The Colonel.


	2. Chapter 2: Lara

**Letters To Alaska**

Alaksa.

Why did you do it? I'm not mad at you. I don't blame you. I just want to know why. No just for my sake, but for all of ours.

I haven't been able to face Pudge since. I knew he liked you; it was obvious. Just answer me, why? If not for anyone else, do it for him. Why?

Why?

Just because I am quite doesn't mean I'm blind. I saw you were hurting. I knew you, and I knew you were hurting. For ages I didn't know why, but then you told us about your mother, and everything made sense. And you're not hurting anymore.

But there is still that unanswered question of why.

Why?

I'm never going to get an answer, I know. But I like to think that if I keep waiting, I'll learn to understand. I'll learn to understand why.

Thank you, Alaska. For everything.

Lara.


	3. Chapter 3: Takumi

**Letters To Alaska**

I don't know what to say to you, Alaska. I really don't. There are so many things about you that I still don't know. Why did you do it? Was it actually suicide?

When I saw you that night, I should have stopped you. Or, at the very least, one and told The Colonel and Pudge. Maybe you would have listened to them. Maybe then you would still be here.

I knew about that date. I knew about January 10th. I knew. And yet I let you go. I blame myself, just like you did for your mother. I blame myself for what happened to you, so I didn't tell the others. Not until I had already left.

You were so amazing, and yet so broken. Before I knew you, I didn't think it possible for one person to be two such strong contradicting things. But somehow you were. You were impossible, Alaska.

A fox is catchable. Alaska Young isn't.

I'm sorry.

Takumi.


	4. Chapter 4: Pudge

**Letters To Alaska**

Alaska. _My _Alaska. You're not gone. You can't be gone. There is no possible way for me to accept that you're gone.

But you are. You are gone. Why are you gone?

For days after the accident it was like I was living in a dream. In a nightmare. It must have been a nightmare, because you weren't there. You would never be in it again. For days after, it was like nothing would be right ever again. It still is like that, for me.

The Colonel acts like he's moved on, but I know he's hurting. He's just too much of a guy to show it. I haven't been able to face Lara; she knows it was you. It was always you. Takumi barely spoke. He wanted to, he just couldn't. Not like we used to. Not like we did when you were still here. Nothing's been the same.

I know you were there, that day we did the prank. _Your_ prank. I hope we pulled it off the way you would've. I hope we did it justice. I hope we did you justice.

I know I ought to, but I can't leave here. I can't move on. I can't. You've already started fading in my memory; if I leave, I'm scared you'll disappear altogether. I don't want you to leave. I don't want to forget. The other students here may be ready to say goodbye, but I'm not. Not yet.

I can still remember when you gave me my nickname. Pudge. And the night in the barn, when you got ever so drunk, and made yourself sick. I can still remember that night in our room. _To be continued. _What does that mean? What does it mean? It's just another layer to my labyrinth, another thing to stop me getting out. We're not all you, Alaska. We can't all get out that easy. Hard and fast isn't the answer for some of us.

I forgive you, just like I know you forgive me. That 'somewhere' that Thomas Edison spoke of? I know it's out there. And, now you're there, I know it's beautiful.

I came to Culver Creek to seek my Great Perhaps. And I found it. But now, it's no longer a perhaps. Now it's a What If. Now it's what should have been as opposed to what is.

I came to Culver Creek, looking for my Great Perhaps, and I found it.

I found you.

Pudge.


End file.
